Better late than never... Week 2 of the Grow Your Yoga Challenge : Be Peace.

"Being Peace" is something I can honestly say I give thought to on a daily basis. I can also honestly say that it not something I feel any of us can achieve ALL the time. The idea around week two's challenge is pretty simple and very easy to implement without a lot of effort. It's as easy as taking a moment... or several, throughout the day to simply breathe and simply be. I use the term "easy" loosely, recognizing this is not always, and in fact, quite often, not exactly the case. The nature of the mind is to distract from this so called "simple" practice. Life is full of "stuff" to occupy us, and certainly does a good job of keeping the mind busy...

This is why we need to give ourselves a break if attempts at this seem overwhelmingly difficult. Just remember. To breathe requires no conscious thought. We do it automatically. To begin to practice "being peace", all we need to do it observe our inhales and exhales. This flow of life connects us all and can remind us of the unity of all living things. Even when we are able to focus on the breath we will notice thoughts flying. Those thoughts are not to be pushed away in anger and frustration. They are to be noted, labelled as such ("thinking"), without judgement, and then let go...

In all likelihood we find ourselves doing this over and over and OVER again. NO PROB BOB... this is part of yoga/meditation, AND part of why it's called a PRACTICE :)

Something interesting happens here... the more we practice this, the less "attached" to those thoughts we become as we see them for "what they are".  Not a representation of who we are as individuals, but notions made up by the mind in judgement... of ourselves, of others, of how things are going to be or how they should be. When you stop and think about it, the majority of what is going on in our head and often causing us stress is either beyond our control, in the past and cannot be changed, or hasn't even happened yet. 

Let me tell you friends, I catch myself getting caught up in this ALL THE TIME. Yes, I TRY and find time to meditate and practice yoga because I know I will be more calm, peaceful, happy and generally more pleasant for my family and friends to be around. Knowledge is powerful, yet only when applied. Nonetheless, I can honestly say that over the last few years, and with practice, I have gotten much better at noticing when I'm starting to be a little "crazy" in stressing over silly things, in particular, those which have yet to happen. For example, these days the idea of travelling with a busy toddler on a plane gives me a great deal of anxiety. You may recall from a couple of posts ago that we fairly recently returned from a trip to Ontario. Long story short without complaining, it wasn't the worst, it wasn't the best as far as the flights went. The experience was fresh enough that while I was looking forward to this family trip to Arizona for a week, I wasn't exactly looking forward to the process of getting there. 

The process of prepping and packing however, easy and pie. One thing I find about taking trips close together is that at least I have fresh in my mind the excessive over packing from trip one when packing for trip two. The fact that we were heading somewhere HOT and that we were renting a house with laundry was also helpful. This being our first trip to Arizona and having had quite a few people look at us as though we were completely mad heading there this time of year, had us a little gun shy, however we figured we couldn't go wrong with a pool in the backyard to hang in.  I'll just say now that the heat was actually totally bearable, even pleasant, especially after such a long winter, and we had an amazingly relaxing time all in all. 

Travelling from our neck of the woods to make our often early morning flight in Calgary usually has us rising around three or four am for the two hour drive to the airport. We've gotten pretty efficient at making our getaway and Foster is always a great sport about being yanked out of bed at such an hour. That said, by the time we get on the plane, exhaustion is setting in for all of us and the game of passing a squirmy tot back and forth, whilst doing our best not to let him kick the crap out of the seat in front of us (something that fuelled a near altercation with an unusually "unkidfriendly"individual during our last trip), is not so fun. Regardless, it's always a mind game for me of "this too shall pass" but HOW MUCH LONGER until it does??? As we boarded the flight I could feel my heart start to pound a little harder, my mind racing. Doing my very best to "just breathe, knowing the first flight was under two hours long which is VERY manageable, I tried not to think about the fact there was another after it which "my mind" told me (no I did not even check...) HAD to be at least three hours long...

We made it to Denver, (clearly), with nothing of consequence going down other than Foster wanting to be anywhere but in our laps on that plane. We had a bit of a wait for our flight to Phoneix and took turns following him as he darted around the airport. At one point throwing a standard tot fit in the middle of the breezeway because I wouldn't let him.... (I can't remember). I stood over him as he thrashed and voiced his protest... unable to help but giggle a little as people looked on. Finally the gate shuttle honked us out of the way and I drug him back to let Dad have a go...

As I sat starting out the window at the plane we were about to board I could hear him off in the distance. No doubt unhappy about whatever law Dad was laying down in effort to prevent loss of life and limb. Inside baby thrashed around as he/she does pretty much constantly, and doubt creeps into my mind. The past couple of months have been a mental struggle by times. So much "to do". So little time. My only true "obligation" as a wife and mother yet so much more I feel called to accomplish. I feel inefficient with my time. As though I should be able to get more done but the days fly by and routine feels full. I have a hard time imagining having another child and this makes me feel a little ashamed to tell you the truth... As I've mentioned, both my husband and I come from families of five kids. Our mothers did it and I think it's pretty safe to say they did a bang up job. While five is not in our plans, a third has been (I know I know... one at a time!!) and lately I often question the idea... In moments of frustration wondering if maybe I'm just not "wired" for that...

These thoughts spin, my anxiety rises in my throat, shoulders creeping up, in breath catching...

*LONG EXHALE*

None of this matters in this moment. None of this is in my control at this time. Just focus on the breath. Long deep inhales to busy belly :)... Loooooong exhales....

The boys are back...

We board the plane. Foster falls asleep almost immediately AND sleeps for the whole thing which incidentally turns out to be even shorter than the first, at just an hour and a half. The flight back... a cakewalk... the little man a perfect gentleman on the first half, flirting it up with a very kind lady sitting next to us, and then amazing hubby took over completely while Mommi the most perfectly peaceful flight since becoming a mommi on the second. I spent this precious quiet time in consideration of "be peace"... How if only we could all find the time, and our own way, to find it. If only we could teach our children from a young age, how to find it for themselves. How interesting it is that something found within can be so intangible, so elusive...

Ah, yet another wonderful conundrum of life :)...

I even actually wrote another post on that flight... in need of some editing but coming soon.

A beautiful shot of a peacefully snoozing angel captured by fabulous hubby...

 ...and a few shots of vacay fun in the pool..

Feel free to check out the full photo post on "Luv Snaps"...

...but first, let me just say...

I am so grateful for the gift of the present moment. The gift of challenge and growth. I am grateful for the opportunity to take the time to create space and in it be able to create something beautiful... even if I am the only one to ever really see it...

I am grateful to have yoga as part of my life and of course, to be able to share it with others.

Thank you to the "Grow Your Yoga" Challenge... Mommi's mindful musings on week three, "Be Accessible, coming at ya shortly...

Peace out friends :)

b.

Introducing the "GROW YOUR YOGA" Challenge, & new FAVES to CRAVE.

When the email announcing this years "Grow Your Yoga" Challenge (formerly known as "Living Your Moksha") arrived in my inbox a couple of weeks ago I knew I was "in". While "technically" the format suggests participating with your "home studio", which I do not "technically" have here in town, I am happy to participate and encourage my own "Sangha" (community) here, as well as anyone tuning in online who might be intrigued and/or looking for an excuse to do a little "spring cleaning" of body, mind and spirit...

My teacher training experience and thus foundation as a yoga teacher in general is rooted in Moksha Yoga. Despite the fact that the community I now reside in does not have a "Moksha Yoga" studio, and that in fact the closet one is almost two hours away, I still feel a deep connection to the Moksha community...

That said... :)

Introducing the "GROW YOUR YOGA" Challenge. 

"An off-the-mat challenge taking place May 1st through 30th, 2013, bringing together the entire Global Moksha community as we deepen our yoga practice. Moksha is founded on 7 pillars, a set of ideas and philosophiles that we try to live by, and these form the basis of this four week challenge.

BE HEALTHY - "Eat well"

BE PEACE - "seek peace"

BE ACCESSIBLE - "communicate kindly with others"

REACHOUT - "give back/support your community"

Each year this challenge is in support of a different organization and this year it's the Maasai Wilderness Conservation Trust, an organization that creates sustainable economic benefits for the Maasai people by preserving regional ecosystems and cultural heritage."

So in the spirit of week 1 : BE HEALTHY here are a couple of my new faves from the kitchen I've been meaning to share.

Dill Pickle Kale Chips

~Preheat oven to 350

~Trim, wash and tear kale into "chip size" pieces. 

~Toss in vegetable oil of choice (I usually use grapeseed since it has a high smoke point and has less chance of burning if left a touch too long in the oven), a healthy dose of chopped fresh dill (or herb/seasoning of choice but the fresh dill was AMAZING!!!), nutritional yeast  (a mighty vegan friend I've just discovered that tastes totally cheesy and is LOADED with b-vitamins, folic acid, selenium, zinc and protein), OR parmesan cheese is tasty too, and a healthy dash of salt and pepper.

~Spread on baking sheet and bake for 7-10 minutes giving them a toss about halfway through the cooking time. 

Note : You'll want the kale to come out "crispy and chip like" but not quite brown. This can be a little tricky in my experience depending on the kale itself (sometimes the leaves are thicker/heavier than others), the amount and type of oil used (as I mentioned some have higher "smoke points" than others) and of course all ovens are different. When in doubt... lower heat slightly and check often!

Enjoy as a side dish or a yummy snack! Seriously if you like dill pickle anything... you will LOVE this version of the mighty kale chip!

Next up...

Stovetop Roasted Chickpeas

~ Heat skillet to medium heat.

~ Toss cooked chickpeas (drained and rinsed if canned or fully cooked from dried) in vegetable oil of choice, sea salt or herbamare, pepper and any herb/seasoning of choice. Again, I am a dill lover so I usually use dill though it's normally of the dried variety since I don't always have fresh stuff around. You can also try a toss in a chilli/cumin combo for a spiced up version. I am terrible at measuring when I cook so my apologies for the lack of instruction to that end. My advice, start light and add as needed. Same goes for oil. A tablespoon or two usually goes a long way, just enough to coat.

~ Now just toss em in the heated pan until they begin to crisp up, giving them a little shake and roll action as they cook up. Usually this takes about 10-15 minutes. Longer = crispier of course :)

I love these to simply snack on or to throw on a salad. My most recent salad addiction has been this beauty...

Salad : Spinach, tomato, cucumber, avocado, fresh herbs if I have them (parsley in this particular one), hemp seed and of course, crispy chick peas! 

Dressing : 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar, 1 tbsp walnut oil (or oil of choice), 1-2 tsp of dijon mustard. I've taken to making dressings like this in small mason jars so I can just give them a good shake and make extra to have in the fridge.

I think I'll stop there for now so I can actually post this post and get to bed! Stay tuned for more yumminess. There's been plenty of delicious action in the kitchen these days.. BABY'S HUNGRY!  

What's your favourite healthy go to snack/meal???

Till next time.

Let's get growing...

Namaste.

b.

Fun, friends, and the gift of patience.

So we're been back from our trip to Toronto, well, actually most of our time was in fact spent with our good buds in Oakville. The mama of the roost, Karen, and I go way back to days on the east coast and managed to find our way to the big smoke together way back when. Having moved to the prairie almost three years ago, we don't see each other much anymore so any opportunity for a visit is a blessing.

Conveniently enough, hubby's company was a "Top 50 best managed companies in Canada" nominee for the first time this year (kind of a big deal I suppose!) and the honorary gala was to take place in TO. It was a no brainer to extend the stay from a couple of nights to just over a week in an attempt to get some good QT in with our buddies. K's little guy (my godson) is about a year older than Foster and she is also expecting a second bundle, due to arrive about a week before ours (our due date btw, is August 31st... so near and yet so far...;))

All in all it was an awesome trip. Tiring by times no doubt as no travel with a toddler is ever really relaxing at least in my experience... and not likely to be any time soon as my mother points out (thanks mom!) ;) It is so incredible to have so many wonderful people to see during these trips. If you've missed the how's and why's of my TO connections, I spent about seven years there prior to making my way to my love in the west. During that time, many amazing connections and friendships were formed, quite a few of which actually began on the east coast during my post secondary years. As easterners often make their way to those so called "greener pastures, it just so happened that several of my buds also landed in the big city as well.  While I am blessed with many wonderful friends where I am now, I still miss them A LOT so it's always exciting to have the opportunity to catch up with them as well as those new friends I found during my years in the hustle and bustle. Unfortunately I never get to see everyone I would like to so if you are reading this and I've didn't see you this time around, please know I was thinking about ya and sending you my love ;)

Believe it or not, hubby and I actually spent two whole days baby free thanks to K and her ambitious offer to watch Foster so we were able to enjoy the event(s) having brought us in the first place. Mucho appreciation and props for that goes out to her as well as her mother in law who also stepped in to help out for a few tot free hangout hours here and there for these mamas. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.... MUAH!!!

While the trip was filled with lots of laughs (often over the sheer madness of trying to organize just TWO toddlers... how did my mother do it!!!), amazing dinners (K and her hubby are both ridiculous cooks) catching up with friends, and of course, a couple of great date nights with hubby, one of the highlights of the trip was the baby shower K hosted for our friend Lisa. Lisa is an AMAZING woman who has decided to have a baby on her own. Longing to have a child before it is no longer and option, she chose to go the artificial insemination route and is expecting her bouncing baby girl in about two months time. Of course this is very exciting... especially since this particular mama is such a lovely girly girl herself ;) I was so grateful the event fell (ahem... or was planned, by one very thoughtful mama) during my visit.

Having spend oodles of time on pinterest lately (new house, new baby on the way, gardening season around the corner...) I had tons of super cute DIY baby gift ideas on the brain. I had just purchased a new sewing machine at Christmas time and I figured I should bust it out for the occasion. While I have owned one before and even taken some lessons years ago, during a time when I was trying to decide if fashion design school was really for me (I think we know how that went), my sewing experience is relatively minimal. Having constructed a few clothing items in my life (under supervision/instruction I might add), I figured it couldn't be that hard to throw together a blanket and small toy. Specifically I had decided on what "they" call a "minky" blanket and matching stuffed owl (since I am totally obsessed with owls these days). I purchased the oh so sweet and girly material at a local quilting store with my sister in law in tow during a visit from her at easter time. I felt organized and ambitious, having left myself plenty of time to complete this "simple" project. I was excited to begin, envisioning the painless, even joyful, process of creating something beautiful for my dear friend and her little miracle.

Without getting into the detail on how and why this was not exactly the case (already this post is, as usual, turning into a flipping book), I would like to do my best to get to the point here. This project, this "super simple cozy blankey" in particular (I've since dubbed the "patience blanket") served as quite the reminder/metaphor for life, in particular, as a mother. What I anticipated to be a few simple hours of work... turned into a bit of an undertaking... ahem.. *understatement* ;) Nonetheless, despite a lot of seam ripping, reassessing, repining, resewing... REPEAT... (seriously... how hard is it to sew a square!!!) I can honestly say and am very grateful to report, I still found the process quite enjoyable thanks to the following little reminders/reality checks...

1. Firstly, the obvious :) Quite often things will take more time them we anticipate or WOULD LIKE them too. We often devalue the subtle gift of being forced to slow down and trouble shoot before being able to move on to the next step in the process. I found myself actually thankful for my miss steps and the lessons I was learning along the way (as well as the voice of my sewing teaching insisting that the most important aspect of learning to sew are patience and knowing how to fix your mistakes...). In the end I would most certainly be better for the lessons I had learned.... and hopefully the next time, a little more efficient!

2. When things are running smoothly... it's only ever for the "time being" so appreciate it!  On more than one occasion I would have the feeling like, "I've got this", and suddenly the thread would break. In this case the thread was getting "caught up". hmmmm.....

4. "Don't push, don't pull, let it ride and be the guide". Oh the tug of war life can so easily become. Letting go and allowing things to flow is a tricky task. Of course we must take responsibility for our actions and how they as well as out thoughts and opinions, influence our experiences and outcomes, yet trying too hard to control anything in life will inevitably end in frustration and heartache. It is not ours to control. If you've ever tried to force fabric through a sewing machine the way you "think" it should go... you know exactly where this analogy comes from :)

5. Perfection is an illusion. So many times I noted my perfectionistic tendencies, sure that the recipient of the gift and anyone who looked at it would notice my slightly crooked seams and not the not quite even borders I was "forced" to add to cover up my "mistakes". Akin to looking into a mirror only to note what is "wrong", I realized that no one would notice except me and that the idea that my efforts, when filled with such positive intention, could be judged negatively in any way was CRAZY. When intentions are good, those truly matter will truly only note the love behind the intention and certainly will not be seeking our the flaws of your "design". Only we seek out those in ourselves.

Yup, just a little synapsis of what was rambling on my in mommi brain during those hours...

and hours... ;)

So, if you're anything like me, you're asking yourself just how did this blanket turn out? Can I get a visual here??? Funnily enough, although I was POSITIVE I had taken a picture of both items, I could only find one of the blanket...

but no owl... luckily Mama Lisa had snapped one so she sent it to me...

Oh another ridiculous tidbit... there were actually four pregnant bellies at this shower and we FORGOT to get a pic together!!! Holy mommy brains! 

Anyway, really the day was about mama Lisa and her bundle and therefore, a complete success ;)

Here are some shots of the shower as well... just in case you're into a bunch of mamas pouring over pink...

cucumber and mint... 

pretty posies...

cute favours... mmm jelly bellys...

looking a little on the serious side over some shower games...

the guest(s) of honour!

Mr. F making the rounds to charm the ladies...

Baby girl clothes might just be the most adorable things in the universe...

What's that Foster??? You'd like a baby sister???

LOVE :)

Mr. F managed to ram a couple of chocolate macaroons into him... nom nom.

and then there were cupcakes (clearly...)

Also Foster approved. I managed to scoop the icing off first :) Sorry buddy! I think you made out ok though.

All the best to mama Lisa and her bundle. We are so incredibly proud of and inspired by her and cannot wait to meet her little miracle! 

Really though. New babies are pretty awesome ;)

Thanks to mama Karen, her hubby and their little guy for their hospitality. We luv luv luv yas!!!

On to work on my next post. Stay tuned...

love and light. 

b.

Happiness Yoga with Mandy Ingber

So as much as I HAVE so much I would love to be sharing with you all these days, life has been a little on the busy side (does life ever NOT feel busy???) and I have been spending my free time (read:while Foster naps) on some other creative endeavours, to be shared shortly. I have also been trying VERY hard to get at least a snippet or two of yoga/meditation/mindfulness into my days which has been making a WORLD of difference in my mood. Let's just say the winter blues had gotten ahold of me pretty good and FINALLY I started taking my own advice and and happy to report, seem to have snapped out of it for the most part...

Still I am challenged by the unwavering fascination Foster seems to have with playing in the dog's food and water dishes and emptying my tins of loose tea onto the floor, no matter WHAT... Let's just say, I need all the help I can get in the patience department.

And yes mommi's of more than one. I realize it's not to get any easier any time soon, as well as that in the grand scheme, none of this is really that bad ;)

In that as well as the teacher/student spirit, I am constantly subscribing to "this that and the other thing" related to yoga and meditation practice and wanted to take a moment to share this awesome ten minute "Yoga for Happiness" video that appeared in my inbox via FitSugar, taught by Mandy Ingber, whom I am now in love with! I had watched it while I ate breakfast a day or two ago (not exactly mindful I realize... what day is it again anyway???) and this afternoon took the time to try it out. It's definitely a mini workout so if you choose to give it a whirl, as always, please be sure to honour what the bod is up for today (re such moves as switching jump lunges in high plank position!).

At any rate, Check out this video and feel free to let me know what you think as well as if you have any questions for modifications.

Here's to happy days and warmer temperatures....

Namaste,

b.

2013, Already more than I bargained for...

"All great change is preceded by chaos."

OK, first off, I cannot believe it is March already... but love the idea this means spring is just around the corner. Second of all, I have given up feeling bad about my lack of follow through on more consistent writing. As things seem to "settle down" around these parts, I think I've finally realized (at least for the moment) it's totally ok to write if and ONLY if, I feel like it.

I recently "re" picked up a little book called "The Happiness Project", that I initially opened just over a year ago after a friend passed it my way at our wedding in Jamaica. At that time I had intended to start my own "happiness project", blog about it (of course) etc etc. Nonetheless a lack of TV for the last few weeks has prompted more of the reading I intended upon this (and every) year. I am making this reference at this time simply because the author, Gretchen Rubin, makes a statement/observation with regards to writers in that they don't actually often "enjoy the process" of writing. I was surprised to note the sigh of relief that surfaced as I read those words. Somehow it just gave me a sense of peace around the process that I had been lacking before.

The inside of the box from my Buddha Board.
A gift from my  BFF I finally busted open.

Not that I'm claiming to be any kind of professional writer.. regardless... that IS what I'm DOING here so I figure it makes sense to relate.

We'll see I suppose... in the meantime, it's been a eventful/busy year so far. This is helping to justify my new "laid back, go with the flow" strategy in this area...

If you've been one of those patient peeps accepting my randomly published ramblings, (thank you btw) you've probably already got the memo that in the first big development of the year was the news that bambino Campbell number two is on the way. Of course this was fantabulous news :) Of course the not so fantabulous news was the fact that I do not remember feeling as horrendously naseous from wake to sleep each and everyday during the first trimester the first time around as the second. No actually barfing, (apologies right now if you consider this type of talk over share) just a steady build of "god I only WISH..." until I was finally able to fall asleep at night.

That said, not even one smidgen of a bit, did I feel like writing anything or DOING anything for that matter. Fittingly I did have a couple of old posts yet to be shared in this space that felt appropriate and in fact, did in fact help to remind me how much there was to be excited and grateful for. Nonetheless, the combo of feeling perpetually icky along with the winter blues I can never seem to shake come February (particularly when winter starts in October like it did this year), in addition to the daunting notion that there was a house to pack up and move (yes... a bit of an abrupt development) was all a bit much. As much as I tried to be positive, grateful, accepting and of course to keep in mind, that this slightly challenging period would indeed pass... I was disheartened by my lack of ability to conjure a formula to make the shift I so desperately wanted too. I finally realized, this was a gigantic part of the problem. My resistance to what was, that is. When I finally let go and surrendered to it all, of course, it didn't seem so bad. Not to mention I was reminded how it would help me appreciate all the awesomeness on the horizon that much more.

With regards to the first tri prego unpleasantness, I had to figure a reasonable chance this time around seemed more trying with a tot in tow. I do remember have those weeks of intense blah, however it seemed more manageable "back then". This time, I had pretty much wanted to crawl into a small dark space and die... yet, I still I had to marvelled at the wonders of pregnancy through it all... I mean, how often in life can one feel like they are going to woof their cookies yet still crave the chocolate chip variety in that very same moment???

Okaaaaay, maybe that's just me.

As I struggled to cling to any perspective I could muster, I also clung to my prior experience which had included a light switch effect around 12 weeks where I suddenly felt AMAZING. I acknowledge that this is very lucky as many mamas experience such unpleasantness throughout the majority of their pregnancy and to a much more severe degree. To this end, while it most certainly may sound like it, my intention here is not to complain. I simply feel compelled to share... (lucky you!). If for no other reason than to have the written documentation to refer to for the next time when I'm sure the experience will again be entirely different.

I am ELATED to report that as I round out my 16th week. I am feeling pretty darn good.

Yup, NOW I am feeling energetic and reasonably motivated... haha, ok, well, I have moments anyway. For the most part... at least I am feeling capable :)

I am just thankful to have made it through the move... yes, as I mentioned, in the throws of wanting to do nothing but curl into a ball in a dark corner, the new year also brought about a somewhat abrupt decision to purchase a new home and move on March 1st.

Yeah, that's just kind of how we roll around here I guess :)

Were we looking?? Not really although hubby was kind of always on the hunt, he really wanted to "move to the country" and we found our baby number two was on the way, I guess the house somehow started to seem smaller. I mean, as he pointed out, there was NO WHERE to store hockey equipment ;) WHAT WOULD WE DO??? haha... In fact we had just finished the basement of our home on the edge of town, and it had turned out so beautifully... I was actually a tidbit sad at first that we hadn't had time to really enjoy that new space.

That all said, I could simply say, the stars just aligned, an opportunity arose, and we went with it.

But just in case that's not quite enough for you, here are the cole's notes...

A friend of hubby's had an acreage for sale for some time. The original price was too high for us and hubby had been in the house some time ago, and wasn't sold on it in general. Price comes down, we finally look at it and both agree, we in fact, love it. Owners have grown children, are looking to downsize and move to town (only about 5 minutes away), and are open to a "house swap" of sorts. They look at our house and apparently like it enough to see themselves there. We agree on prices and BAM. We pack it all up and March 1st we move into a beautiful "new to us" home.

Foster and Grammy V. Spending some quality time...

I must acknowledge at this point, the other blessings that have come my way in the forms of friends and family. My mother happened to have booked a trip to come visit for two weeks at the end of January when my baby barf factor was at an all time high. It just so happened those two weeks I had also managed to fill with some amazing opportunities to teach some yoga and zumba to some school kiddies as well as to present at a professional development day to the school district's support staff. On top of the few classes I was already teaching, it wasn't really a lot more work, but it sure felt like it. All I can say is I was exceedingly grateful to be able to walk out the door without having to figure out what to do with the little man, or to have to deal with the extra stress of taking his increasingly mama's boy self, along for the ride.

A note here as I do my best to appreciate this time when he actually WANTS to be with me. While a needy tot can indeed be exhausting. It sure is nice to be loved :)

I do also have to say that I wish I hadn't been such a wreck while she was here, especially considering how little we get to visit. While the timing was perfect as far as having the help went... I am sure I wasn't that fun to be around. I do rest assured however, having been through it four times herself (the fourth with twins) I know she understood, and her empathy was greatly appreciated.

Another little angle on my window sill to
remind me...

I have also been exceedingly blessed by the presence of an "angle next door" (well, not exactly next door anymore but nonetheless...). Her name is Denise  and in addition to being an overall lovely person, she has taken on the role of Foster's "OW" (out west) gram/nan/auntie/bud (whichever she might prefer). Time and time again she saves the day. For instance one day just before the move, she knocked on the door for a visit just as my husband called to remind me of a bank appointment we had in ten minutes. Foster was sound asleep and clearly waking him to rush off would have been a nightmare. God love her she was happy to help and stayed with him while I darted off.

Now those are the instances where I know I must be doing something right in this life.

There have been so many times in my life where I can account for the assistance or opportunity I needed or was (unknowingly) waiting for, having appeared at the "perfect" moment. So many moments where I had to wonder at the divine forces at work "looking out" for and "guiding" me where I needed to go. These first few months of 2013 have been nothing short of amazing despite their challenges.

In particular now that I can sit here in stillness and reflect on it all,  without feeling like I am coming down with the Norwalk virus..

When I think about it. The true catalyst for my writing was beginning to listen. To really (or at least really try) to listen to what I should be doing with this life. To begin to make decisions with my heart and get out of my head. To let go of "who I should be" and simply "be". I share nothing earth shattering when I (once again) say that as soon as I started doing this, things started falling into place.

During my reflection on the last few months,  I find myself gazing further, recounting the last few years. How so many "coincidences" guided me into alignment with my truth. I mean seriously. How often do you reconnect with a high school sweetheart online after a dozen years (ok that part not so shocking these days but hang on...), plan to see him over your Christmas holidays, and THEN find yourself sitting beside his little brother on the plane on the way there. OH yeah, and then once you've finally seen each other again, have him wish for a storm so your flight can't leave the next day... and it happens... ok, so maybe a winter storm grounding flights in PEI at Christmas time is not so shocking... but still, you get the point :)

I am not exactly a planner. Reasonably organized I would say, but not a planner. In THOSE moments, I could feel myself completely let go... I knew. I just knew that if I did, I would be where I am right now. It's just over three years later and here we are. In a beautiful new home. Expecting our second miracle...

I tend to have grand intentions. I dream big dreams and big dreams take time. I like to think I am a relatively patient person, but I am human. Ego tends to insist on immediate gratitfication. Accepting and appreciating the process and trusting that we are where we are meant to be is challenging to say the least. While I feel unimaginably blessed most of the time, by times I find myself feeling as though I am missing out when I see what others are up too. When this general shift in life perspective began for me, I was single and living in Toronto dying to escape the craziness even though I was in love with my work. I envisioned myself flitting off to central america to live with nothing, teach yoga, live by the ocean and maybe even learn to surf. My husband sometimes teases me of my hippy at heartedness. Being a wife and a mother is an amazing adventure on it's own, but there are moments when I see and hear of the worldly adventure of others less "tied down", where I lapse in my gratitude for all that I have and the shadows of guilt creep in. As all mothers know, we love our families more that life itself and truly I know, I would change nothing about my life.

For now I am committed to enjoying the journey of wife and motherhood. To settling into this home which hubby and I both agree, sure feels right. The fact that this opportunity fell into our lap, just as we did into each others when the time was right, only strengthens how we are exactly where we are meant to be. Change is challenge, challenge is growth and growth will always produce happiness one way or the other.

Here's to getting more than we bargain for in this life... and knowing it is ours to be treasured.

By the way, you may also like our "Silliness & Snuggles" photo shoot... feel free to check it out!

Much love and light. 

b.

Letters to Foster II

(if you haven't already... feel free to read "LETTERS TO FOSTER I" first if you like...)

Letter number two was written about a month before Foster entered the world. It seemed like forever that I had been imagining what baby would be like... despite the fact that we did not find out the sex ahead of time I did have a pretty strong feeling baby was a boy. In reality, Foster is actually pretty much exactly as I imagined him to be. Awesomely crazy, extremely busy (as a toddler) and VERY curious... what little boys are made of I suppose...

LETTERS TO BABY II

Friday, August 11, 2011

Dear Baby,

I hope you’re enjoying your final weeks in there! We’ve been together for some time now.  In fact I feel as though I know you quite well considering. I can’t believe how quickly time has gone by and very soon we will meet! Your Dad and I, and so many others who already love you more than you’ll even know, are so excited! You have no idea... or perhaps you do ; ) haha... ah well,  it’s quite possible that in fact, we have no idea yet either.

You’ve been very busy in there. Moving and shaking, kicking and squirming. Sometimes I wonder what you are doing. Sometimes I ask you “Baby!!! What’s going on in there??? What are you trying to say???”. I can tell that you are excited too, as well you should be. We’re going to have SO MUCH fun together! I can’t wait for you to discover this amazing world we live in... To watch you learn... To learn from you. Loving and learning are the greatest baby. Really, they are what life is all about.

It’s crazy how I’ve already learned so much from you. Being our first baby there is A LOT to learn as we prepare for your arrival. It’s been so much fun preparing though a little overwhelming at times. Of course we just want everything to be perfect but you know baby, there is no such thing as perfection. Everyone has advice, however for the most part, I’m told I will know what to do when you arrive. Some days I’m not so sure. It’s funny though, because when you give a good kick or poke, for some reason I always say to you, “I know baby, I know...”

There are about 3 weeks left until the doctor guesses you will arrive although the last few days it seems you are getting ready. As we have been discussing baby, it would be really nice if you could join us out here in the next couple of weeks time but no pressure of course... haha.  We know you will come when the time is right. It’s just that there is so much greatness out here waiting. Oh my goodness, you’re just going to LOVE IT!

The other day Mom and Dad went to do some shopping for you and Mom got a little overwhelmed. There is so much stuff out there for babies! You know though, it’s so true that you don’t need a lot of stuff. Love will do the trick. Well, ok... maybe there are a few things we “need” but the reality... as everyone points out, is that you’re not likely to complain, at least not just yet. I have also learned that it seems that when I “let go”of such notions, everything falls into place. It would seem that might be a bit much for a baby to understand, however, I believe that in truth, babies like you are born knowing this already. It seems  sometimes, that there is so much “stuff” in life, we tend to forget this simple fact. Interesting... I suppose that it is my hope to help you to always remember that which you already know ; )

I have a funny feeling you’ll help me to remember the same.

Anyway baby, the point is when I remembered that I relaxed and the exciting anticipation of your arrival returned. You’ll know soon enough baby, that as I mentioned, we’ve got you covered in the love department... with some cool “stuff” as a bonus of course : ) 

Just do what you need to do and we’ll look forward to finally seeing you! We’re ready and waiting.

We always have been.

Infinite Love from All.

xo

Letters to Foster I

Today we had our first ultrasound to meet baby number two. We're about twelve weeks along (and this mommi is  really hoping to feel human again soon). It is so amazing to see that little bean bopping around in there. Just like Foster, this little munchkin seems to have plenty of energy right out of the gate... no wonder Mom feels so tired! Baby was happy to pose for the technician... just like his/her older sib back in the day...

Yes... and Foster sure does love to ham it up, I can't wait to see him take on the big brother role. I can imagine him wanting to teach his younger sib how to do EVERYTHING JUST SO... 

He get's that from his Dad ;)

When I was pregnant with Foster I was blogging in a different space which I no longer have published. Of course I do still have those posts and among them are two letters I wrote to Foster while he was blossoming in his little coocoon. Admittedly, I am not sure I have ever re read them without it turning into a total sap fest. 

Here is the first of the two "Letters to Baby"... I had been wanting to repost them since they mean so much to me and today seemed like as good a day as any. While I know there will always be plenty of love to go around, no matter how many children we have, I will always hold a very special place in my heart for my first born son. 

Luv ya Monkey :)

I just know you're going to be the very best big brother anyone could ever have.

xoxo

LETTERS TO BABY I

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

 

Dear Baby,

We have not met, I still have not felt you move, I do not even know if you are a boy or a girl, yet I feel like I know you already.

I wonder if you feel the same. I wonder what you feel in general. I know you can hear, that you are making silly faces in there and I have seen you kicking and flailing about on a computer screen. Baby, I have to tell you, that was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. You already looked so much like a person but were so tiny...

You’re Dad and I went to a movie the other night and I worried a bit that it was too loud for you. I covered you up as best I could, hoping to stifle the noise. I thought perhaps you were sleeping, and I didn’t want you to be scared. In fact I sad to your Dad, “This is too loud for baby!” As much as I was concerned I still knew you were ok in there. Mom’s just know... you know??? And by the way, it’s our job to worry, at least a little bit.

There are so many people excited to meet you baby. We can’t wait to see what you look like, to see your smile, to hear you laugh and cry. I can’t wait to laugh and cry with you. I sometimes can imagine you growing up before my very eyes. I wonder what you will enjoy doing, what your friends will be like, if you could ever love me as much as I already love you. I see other babies, in person, in pictures and on TV and I either cry or giggle uncontrollably. I have to tell you, it feels pretty good. Tonight your Dad and I saw a commercial full of babies and I laughed and laughed... He looked at me like I was crazy which is pretty standard : ) I said to him, “We’ll have one of those soon...”

We can’t wait.

We will though, for one because we don’t have a choice and secondly, because you will be SO worth. You have already brought so much joy and excitement to our lives... I just wanted to tell you that, though I would like to think you already know.

Thank you baby. Hope it’s all good in there. Let me know if you need anything. I’m right here, I always will be.

Love,

Your Momma

xo